Tuesday, 31 May 2011

cool yeah coooool!

Today i am going to sit down with a pile of paper and just draw and draw and draw.

It's really hot over here, scorching, and there has been an e coli outbreak which means we aren't allowed to eat salad. SALAD! It is such salad weather it's just not fair.

I am still waiting for my care package off my lovely sister to come, i don't know what she's sent, but that's all the fun! I am expecting some topshop cream blush....fingers crossed!!

My submission for 'if i was you' has been accepted, yeey :) It was a strange one, because i think it's the first time i've had to work to some sort of brief. I made the mistake, as i always do, of trying to be something i am not. I did one drawing to try and 'fit in' with the other illustrators but i just made a pigs ear of it. I then sat down and just drew what popped in my head, which is how i normally work, i play a kind of word association game and draw what makes me laugh.

Lesson learnt.....learned.....i never know when to use which one!!

Always remember, people like what you do, not what you try to do. If that makes sense??!!

Stay true to yourself guys x Peas x

Monday, 30 May 2011

looking back.

So being in Berlin and not having a job that gets me out of the house has given me a lot of time to think about things.
I have no friends. No real friends like i had back in school anyway.
This makes me feel really down. I had friends, not loads, but a special one or two. They were pretty much the best friends anyone could ask for. Some in particular helped me through a very difficult stage in my life and i will forever be grateful to them, the only problem is, i don't speak to them anymore.

I feel like i lost my friends as soon as i got a boyfriend. This was, and still is, the first relationship i have ever been in. It gave me a new take on things. We were 17, pretty much 18, and it was really hard to try and spend as much time with a new bf, and my old friends.

I should have made time really. Then i went to uni in manchester for a year, with said bf, then i came home and by this time i'd stopped speaking to everyone i used to know. I think it's my own fault really, they do say it takes two to have a conversation, it's not like i was ignoring people, but it takes two.

Now with facebook we can say hello, how are you, how is life. But it's not the same. It's not the chats like we used to have. I'm sure everyone at some point in their lives has gone through this.

I suffer badly with depression and social anxiety.
I have no idea when or where or how this developed, but it did. I hate being around people because i am super paranoid that the second we leave each others company, they are going to talk about me. I'm not happy with myself, so i blame part of the anxiety on that, i hate myself, so why wouldn't anyone else hate me??
This is the craziness my mind comes up with on a daily basis.

I want my friends back, i want to be able to go out and have a good time without worrying what people think of me.
It's hard though, it's hard to break through.

I realise my post today was a wee bit morbid and self indulgent, but i needed to get it off my chest somewhere, to someone.

On another note, i hope to start a diet and exercise regime 2moro or wednesday, it's up to me to make a change, and i want to do so...

Peas xx

Friday, 27 May 2011

i am dumb!

Afternoon chillun' :)

Not much to report today, i pretty much stayed in my pyjamas ALL day, had a bath and finished reading The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown, and then got obsessed with the apparently predicted 2012 conspiracies!!

Not good for my poor little over-imaginative brain!! It's ok though, i would appear apocalypse has been mistranslated through the years and actually means 'to unveil/reveal'.....so apparently the world will end 'as we know it', because we're going to obtain new knowledge that betters our lives........or some shit, i don't know!

After 4 weeks in Berlin and reading the only 2 books i brought with me, and the 2 food magazines, i went down to the post box today and found an envelope filled with Reveal and More!!! Yeeeey thank you little sister!!

So i am going to go and indulge in some celebrity gossip and pictures while my spaghetti sauce slowly bubbles away on the hob.

I leave you with an old illustration i found that makes me laugh, my mum calls the dance 'crumping' a 'crumpet dance', so she inspired me!

Peas x

Thursday, 26 May 2011

Can you ride a zebra?

morning people :)

yesterday i baked, quite a success, they were lovely! the cream was more like joghurt than a sweet cream, a nice compliment to the chocolate...

i was also learning how to photoshop illustrations so i don't have to beg my boyfriend to edit my drawings for me, found it difficult but i got through it. i edited my 'if i was you' illustration.
i'll post on here as soon as it goes up, don't want to give any sneak peaks!

i don't really have any plans today apart from dying my hair. have had a hair disaster recently. a hairdresser came round and mislead me, told me she wouldn't cut it all off and that she'd leave me with, and i quote, 'more than an inch of hair'.
she lied.

so i now have this wierd pixie cut that i'm still not entirely sure about. also i need to dye it and i normally have the comfort of longer hair hiding any hairline stains.....there is no hair to hide anything!!

will report back in the morrow, hopefully with something a little more interesting to discuss!!

i'm expecting a care package of goodies from england this week so i look forward to sharing!

peas x

Wednesday, 25 May 2011

Updating and reorganising

Since i last blogged.....

  • i learned how to knit and made a really wide but really short scarf, fail
  • i moved to back to berlin for a while
  • i celebrated turning 25, which is halfway to 50, which is really really freaky
  • i started learning photoshop.....it's a struggle, my brain is against me!
  • i fell in love with karl pilkington, seriously in love, and for my birthday i got all of his books and fell a little but more in love ha, thanks boyfriend :D
  • and finally i discovered cynol hair powder and thus ended my ongoing quest to find the best product that keeps my hair looking matte, volumised and styled for hours and hours and all of the day, yess <3
Obviously i have done a little more than just this, work and life and love etc, but these are the thing i fancied mentioning!

At the minute i am taking part in Sandra Dieckmann's 'If i was you' project which is very exciting indeed, looking forward to seeing me up on the site in such great company.

There is much more i want to say but i don't want to make this post too long and boring so i will be back every day this week to make a post :)

I'm off now to make some Dr.Oetker Himbeer-Schoko cupcakes now x much love all
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