I don't know what's been up with me lately
in regards to blogging.
Maybe i'm just going through that phase i notice all bloggers seem to go through.
"what do i want to write about"
"who am i writing for"
"what kind of blogger am i?"
I think it's safe to say i'm not a beauty blogger.
i don't even wear make up 90% of the year,
i hardly qualify!
I take enough pictures of food.
No recipes though.
I can't be bothered with taking photos as i'm cooking.
Too much hassle,
clearly i just want to eat.
I guess this one seems most relatable.
I mainly talk about what's going on with me,
show you photo's of my dog or Berlin,
depending on where i am.
I think i've been a little disheartened lately.
Having a lot of bad/down days.
Like i've mentioned before,
i have depression and various anxieties,
and sometimes i feel as though they all stack up on top of me,
weighing me down.
I'm not saying i wanted to kill myself or anything,
i could never do that,
but i didn't want to be anymore.
I don't know if that makes sense to anyone.
I had that feeling recently,
had a big chat with my boyfriend about where my life is going etc.
because i felt like a waste of a person.
It helped clear my cluttered mind a little.
I decided that while we remain in Berlin i'm going to invest in myself.
That sounds really american therapisty doesn't it!?
I'm going to attend uni...
the university of life!
Basically i am going to do everything that i have an interest in.
Being an artist, this is all creative stuff...
I'm hoping that somewhere along the way
[along the journey]
somewhere along the way i'll figure it out.
I'm hoping it will all be very organic.
A natural process.
I'm looking forward to figuring it out.
Hopefully before i'm 30.
I have until 2016.
In other news....
i started watching Breaking Bad recently and OH MY GOD.
Writing down all my theories for what i think is going to happen,
The heat here in Berlin has been unbearable.
Last weekend, in our living room, 29º.
Outside was above 35º i'm told.
I wouldn't know.
I locked myself in the house for fear of the sun.
[i have way sensitive skin,
practically a ginger]
Oooh, angry rant imminent...
My parent's came for a visit in my blogging absence,
we bought a table and chairs for in front of our front window.
Yesterday my batshit crazy neighbour sat there.
Waved at the window like we were best buds and it was okay.
We are so not. It was not okay.
I went red ross with rage.
Last time my parents visited she told my mum i am horrible.
I never say hello.
She refuses my parcels because i never say thank you.
This is all lies.
I am so nice to her! Despite her rudeness!
Her and her husband have raging arguments at 3 in the morning.
He locks her out of the flat,
she pounds on the door.
I let her use my phone once to call the police.
No thanks or explanation when she'd sobered up.
She followed my boyfriend into the courtyard while he chained up his bike one night,
had a go at him for riding his bike too fast [??]
knowing full well he can't speak it.
i can't even.
So today i folded up our chairs.
I felt bad, but they infuriate me, my house is not a cafe for them!
How dare they sit in front of my open window SMOKING.
My recent project i've cooked up is a berlin guide.
Maybe in a zine format?
My own illustrated map of the city,
venues for gigs,
good places to eat,
the transport system!
How to get from the airport to the city.
I'm really excited about it.
Lots of friends always ask me about it and i write pages of emails for them,
it'd be way easier to just send them a handy pocket zine no?
If anyone has ever been and has any interesting places they'd like to add,
let me know!!