Thursday, 12 September 2013

Weight loss // Progress

I've started this post abut 5 times now!
I didn't know whether this was something i wanted to share or not,
this is exactly the kind of post i love reading so,
here goes...

I have never been happy with my weight.
For as long as i can remember i've been a yoyo dieter. 
The other thing i hate,
in all honesty,
is that society makes me feel this way.

I hate that the reason i am like this
is because i want people to look at me and not judge me for my size.

But anyway, 
that is a whole other post!!
[i'll bet you're looking forward to that rant]

Last year i hit rock bottom.
I think i was the heaviest i've ever been.
I avoided mirrors,
i avoided going out.
I gave up on everything.

I am a crisp addict.
No joke.
I eat crisps like smokers smoke.
And if i don't get crisps, 
i sweat, and panic, until i get my crisps.
If you think i'm exaggerating, 
then you don't understand.

I was miserable.
The last straw was when i went go karting
for a friend's birthday.
The guys who ran it made me sit in a kart,
with everyone watching,
before accepting any money from me and giving me a helmet...
to make sure i fit into it.

I know it sounds like nothing,
but i promise you, it was humiliating.
I walked out and cried for the whole rest of the day.
I was mortified.

The following day i decided to make a change.
I stopped binge eating.
I stopped eating from boredom. 
I was unhappy so i ate to make myself feel better,
which made me feel worse, 
so i ate more.
You know the story.
I made a change and stopped the cycle.

I didn't do any crazy diet,
This was my plan...
i got up and worked out,
i ate a bowl of cereal.
I ate my dinner which was ryvitas with cream cheese.
The next time i ate was tea time.
Lots of veggies, meat, pasta etc.
Healthy, good food. 

I ended up losing 10 kilos in 2 months. 
Then i went home for christmas...
big mistake!
I stopped working out and i ate shit again!

From Dec - June i worked out occasionally,
but ate like i used to.
Crisps were back in my life.
I gained about 2 kilos.

From June - August i got really ill,
and physically couldn't work out.
So it got worse.
I didn't put weight on though,
which was a blessing.

During the time i was in the UK i was invited to a wedding.
It's a really special wedding,
the girl getting married is part of a family i count as my second family.
What makes it even more special...
she's getting married in the chapel in the tower of london.
Yep, her dad's a beefeater. 

The thought of attending this wedding, 
looking like i do now, 
in front of all those guests
[and tourists!!]
made me break out into a sweat.

I wanted to look back at this wedding and be happy to see myself in the pictures.
So, decision made, back on healthy eating.

I have been working out every morning, 
and power walking every night,
for the past two and a half weeks.
I've lost 4 kilos so far.
It's been such a boost.
Again, all i am doing is exercise and eating healthy.

I've found a dress on the zara website that i want to wear so i have a goal.

I know it's going to take time, 
but i'm going to keep going until i feel comfortable in myself.
Weight doesn't matter,
it's how i feel.

I've been feeling discouraged, 
but after taking this morning's progress picture
i feel a little more excited. 

The wedding is the last weekend in October.
I am taking it one day at a time, 
and i know i can do this. 

The story behind the denim shirt....
when i bought it, it hung really nicely on me.
I want to get back to that feeling,
i'm getting there, 

Also...maybe...i think it's time for the ombre to go!

Thanks for reading guys :) 

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