Happy one monthiversary

morning all

i'm currently sat on my sofa 

[which i've pulled out so it's a bed~lazy]

i'm in my pj's and my boyfriend is listening to some rubbish

[i think it's opeth *blows raspberry*]

i'm gearing myself up to go for a run.

it's hard!

last night, last minute might i add,

we decided to go to fauximages and listen to a few designers

speak about their work.

it was a good night,

pretty inspiring, but it was a late night.

so now i'm pooped.

and i don't want to run.

[i will run, it'll wake me up...plus i get to listen to eminem]

tonight i have the flat to myself for a couple of hours!

the grand plan is to catch up on some shows,

rupaul's drag race

faking it

awkward

once upon a time.

i seriously recommend awkward

it's an mtv show

about a girl in high school who like this guy,

sounds pretty generic right?

and i don't even know how to describe it,

apart from it's really funny and i love it so watch it lol.

check out the s1 promo

i'm going back to england in a week, 

which is super exciting

bcos my parents are away so i can just 

C.H.I.L.L

i'm thinking about taking the camera but seriously though

all i'm going to be doing is gorging myself on UK crisps from m&s

and chasing my dog taking the same photo.

she just doesn't give me face.

i got around to making some sticker packs for my shop

they're really fun and super cute,

i'm SO happy with them!

speaking of which, 

my shop has been open for an entire month!

i'm so proud of myself

[don't be a hater]

that i'm offering FREE SHIPPING for an entire week.

*gasp*

i know right.

so use the code GIMME at checkout and you'll get your treats delivered for free

wahoooooooooooooo!

here's the link

sticker packs from £2, illustrations from £4.50, 

dolls are £20

i even have a couple of cards for £2

so many goodies!!

ok, enough blabbering

i definitely need to run now

uuuuuugh

it's going to hurt :(

Weight loss // Progress

I've started this post abut 5 times now!

I didn't know whether this was something i wanted to share or not,

but,

this is exactly the kind of post i love reading so,

here goes...

I have never been happy with my weight.

For as long as i can remember i've been a yoyo dieter. 

The other thing i hate,

in all honesty,

is that society makes me feel this way.

I hate that the reason i am like this

is because i want people to look at me and not judge me for my size.

But anyway, 

that is a whole other post!!

[i'll bet you're looking forward to that rant]

Last year i hit rock bottom.

I think i was the heaviest i've ever been.

I avoided mirrors,

i avoided going out.

I gave up on everything.

I am a crisp addict.

No joke.

I eat crisps like smokers smoke.

And if i don't get crisps, 

i sweat, and panic, until i get my crisps.

If you think i'm exaggerating, 

then you don't understand.

I was miserable.

The last straw was when i went go karting

for a friend's birthday.

The guys who ran it made me sit in a kart,

with everyone watching,

before accepting any money from me and giving me a helmet...

to make sure i fit into it.

I know it sounds like nothing,

but i promise you, it was humiliating.

I walked out and cried for the whole rest of the day.

I was mortified.

The following day i decided to make a change.

I stopped binge eating.

I stopped eating from boredom. 

I was unhappy so i ate to make myself feel better,

which made me feel worse, 

so i ate more.

You know the story.

I made a change and stopped the cycle.

I didn't do any crazy diet,

nothing.

This was my plan...

i got up and worked out,

i ate a bowl of cereal.

I ate my dinner which was ryvitas with cream cheese.

The next time i ate was tea time.

Lots of veggies, meat, pasta etc.

Healthy, good food. 

I ended up losing 10 kilos in 2 months. 

Then i went home for christmas...

big mistake!

I stopped working out and i ate shit again!

From Dec - June i worked out occasionally,

but ate like i used to.

Crisps were back in my life.

I gained about 2 kilos.

From June - August i got really ill,

and physically couldn't work out.

So it got worse.

I didn't put weight on though,

which was a blessing.

During the time i was in the UK i was invited to a wedding.

It's a really special wedding,

the girl getting married is part of a family i count as my second family.

What makes it even more special...

she's getting married in the chapel in the tower of london.

Yep, her dad's a beefeater. 

The thought of attending this wedding, 

looking like i do now, 

in front of all those guests

[and tourists!!]

made me break out into a sweat.

I wanted to look back at this wedding and be happy to see myself in the pictures.

So, decision made, back on healthy eating.

I have been working out every morning, 

and power walking every night,

for the past two and a half weeks.

I've lost 4 kilos so far.

It's been such a boost.

Again, all i am doing is exercise and eating healthy.

I've found a dress on the zara website that i want to wear so i have a goal.

I know it's going to take time, 

but i'm going to keep going until i feel comfortable in myself.

Weight doesn't matter,

it's how i feel.

I've been feeling discouraged, 

but after taking this morning's progress picture

i feel a little more excited. 

The wedding is the last weekend in October.

I am taking it one day at a time, 

and i know i can do this. 

>.<

The story behind the denim shirt....

when i bought it, it hung really nicely on me.

I want to get back to that feeling,

i'm getting there, 

definitely.

Also...maybe...i think it's time for the ombre to go!

Thanks for reading guys :)